How Have You Been Hurt?

Last night, I met with my soon-to-be ex-husband (Stud Muffin) to pay bills and go over paperwork. He had those underlying tones going with every comment he made. You know, the rudeness that he just can't seem to control anytime he gets around me.

Stud Muffin informed me that he wouldn't be paying for our daughter's (D3) car repairs ($100) because she had not been responding to any of his text messages. Well, he is right about that. She hasn't been responding to his text messages, but is that how a dad should react to a hurting child? He has that attitude that he will show her!! Stud has always been about conditional love. If his children do not "act" the way he thinks they should, then he will refuse to show any love or support to his kids. So, no text messages on D3's part meant no help on his part to get her car out of the shop! This was perfectly fair in his mind.

When Stud told me this last night, I defended my three daughters by telling their dad that they are hurting. Divorce is hard. They have hurt feelings. They do not understand how a dad can treat his kids the way they have been treated. They do not like the way their father has treated their mother. And, I proceeded to tell him that every member of our family is hurting. That is when Stud looked at me and sincerely asked me, "How have you been hurt?" Hmmmmmm. Seriously?! Well, let me think really hard. Let's see. My marriage of almost 27 years is over. I have been emotionally and verbally abused. My daughters have lived in a hell that only they can understand, and I hurt for them. But, yet, my soon-to-be ex-husband looked at me and had the audacity to ask me, "How have you been hurt?!" I just stared at him in blank confusion and didn't say a word. If there ever was a clueless man, I was looking at him.

The truth of the matter is that the day I filed for divorce was probably the day I started hurting just a little bit less. The relief was amazing. I knew that my life would be changing if I could just get through the divorce process. I was willing to endure the divorce knowing that if I could just make it through this part, then my life would get better.

Hopefully, the confusion, the crying, the hurt feelings, the sadness, the destruction of my self esteem, and the crushing of my soul will stop. Two more weeks may seem way too long. My fairytale marriage didn't end up the way it was supposed to. I am ready to kiss that old fairytale goodbye and hopefully start a new fairytale. I believe there must be, there has to be, a happy ending in my next one!